Don't tell my mom I went to Burma........

I went to Burma this weekend. One of my life-time goals has been to go to Burma. I may have only spent about 15 minutes there--but I was definitely there. Jane and I left Phuket for Bangkok and then took a night train to Chiang Mai. Jane has friends that are church planters in Chiang Mai who have been working with Hmong (sounds like "mung") minority people about six hours southwest of Chiang Mai. After a quick shower we piled into three trucks and took the long journey through the mountains to Mae Sot. It we spent three days in the tiny village that the government has set up for Burmese refugees.

The village was having its church-opening ceremony and a Hmong wedding. I loved it because we traveled with Hmong, Thai and Laotian students from Chiang Mai to Mae Sot and once we were there, they helped us meet the villagers and tour the village. The village (called "village 9) is located about 2 kilometers from the Burma boarder and you can see the majestic Burmese mountains towering in the not-so-far distance. It is saturated with Burmese, Hmong and Karen people who have fled the terror of the "State Peace and Development Council" ruling party. On Saturday, I piled in the back of a pick-up truck with 15 other Hmong and Thai students and we headed to the amazing waterfalls in surrounding mountains. We spend the day wading through the cold water, splashing each other and climbing the falls. (Thankfully, a 12 year-old Hmong girl attached herself to me and saved me from tumbling down the rocky falls to my watery grave multiple times.) Saturday, I also went to Burma with two other Americans who needed to renew their visas by re-entering the country.

On the day of the ceremonies, the village men slaughtered to cows for the communal lunch (I refrained), and over 400 people gathered to witness the goings-on. It was an absurdly wonderful trip, but also sickeningly difficult. It is hard for me to imagine the terror and suffering under which these people must have lived in Burma, their courage to slip over the boarder, and now the hardships which they deal with in their village (horrible water sources, rampant disease, exposure to the elements, discrimination by the Thai government...) We held a 2 hour "clinic" in the afternoon. Seeing villagers with health problems. There is a nurse from America who has also been working closely with Village 9. It just seemed so ridiculous. Malnourished children being giving 10 multivitamins. Women with wrists swollen with arthritis being given 5 Tylenol. The people here are doing everything in their power to relieve what suffering they can, but the options are so limited and temporary. Just a band-aid on a deep, festering wound. I am so overwhelmed with the futility of humanitarian efforts that I could scream....or just take a nap.

I was further frustrated by the ingrained sexism in the village. I don't know what my problem is. I consider myself an open-minded person...but when I see others' differences that I don't agree with I get so angry. So so angry. In Thailand men have a higher status, but in the village, the breach in status between women and men is extraordinary. Men get to sit while women stand. Men eat first always while women watch. Men are permitted to have multiple wives. I don't know if I feel frustrated because I am a women and therefore feel sympathetic, but if you could just see how hard these women work in these villages. Perhaps they marry at 16 or 17 and start having children right off (no birth control of course) until they have 8-10 children. They will carry one on their back, one on their front, one on their hip and have the hand of another. In this position,they will assist their husbands in the fields, be responsible for the sewing, cooking and cleaning as well as their millions of children. I am not saying the men don't work hard. I just feel frustrated that these amazingly capable, intelligent and gentle women see themselves as second-class...their value only seated in their childbearing capabilities.....I could just dig a hole and climb down in it--frustrated with people and myself; I don't know where the line is between tolerant and taking a moral stand.

check out http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0107808.html for little summary-roo of Burma's government and geo-political relations

Happy Birthday Dad!!!!

Thursday, January 26, 2006
Back from the beautiful ocean. It would of course rain our first day in a resort town (when I went to Santorini, it snowed for the first time in 15 years) I suppose that is what makes my travels unconventional. Aside from the rain, I still got a sunburn, which I am loving in January and also got a lot of time to relax, read, and listen to music on the beach. I certainly can't complain!! I also learned a lot more about the destruction and terror during the tsunami. Due to my overdeveloped sense of motherness to the world's children, I spent much of the grieving for the children and families I didn't even know that must have suffered so much, I just can't imagine being responsible for a child in that situation, and being unable to hold on. I was glad to see that so much had improved in the past year (homes, business etc) but I know that in Pakistan, and even New Orleans, people are still suffering silently from natural disasters now that the media spotlight has shifted. It seems like such a hopeless situation.

The last few days in Bangkok have been wonderful! This country is nicknamed the "Land of the Smile." It is incredibly true....moving from a country where people are often kind but intimidating or avoiding to a place where the street sweeper looks up at you with a brimming smile has been a welcomed changed. Ying has taken us everywhere from night bazaars to floating markets, temples and galleries to the red light districts. We have taken ferries, tuk-tuks, taxis, motorcycles and the subway. The food is AMAZING. Tomorrow, Jane and I are going to the resort city of Phuket to see where some of the aid from her church went during the tsunami. I am excited to see a new part of the country and maybe some beach and margaritas!

I leave tomorrow to begin my Spring Festival holiday travel. I will be going with another teacher, Jane. We plan to go to Guilin/China, Bangkok, Phuket and Chiang Mai/Thailand, Phnom Penh and Siem Reap/Cambodia, Singapore and Hong Kong. There is no chance of me being prepared before I leave, so I thought I might as well post. I hope when I come home from this journey, I have some sort of clarity about what I should do for next year.
There is a canal that runs in front of my apartment. Between the canal and my building is a small park running the length of the canal. Every money while I put together breakfast, I can see elderly men and women doing their morning exercises along the canal: tai chi, aerobics, stretching and jogging. In the afternoon there is an old man who comes everyday--bringing his birds. He carries two large black birds in separate cages. He stops at a small pavilion directly in front of my door and settles. He begins to methodically clean the birds cages; unfastening the bottom and placing the open-bottomed cages on the grass so the birds might hop about and explore through the grass. He cleans the bottom of the cage off in the canal and talks quietly to his birds while he waits for them to dry. The whole process takes about three hours. I think he must love those birds so much. It is strange, I don't even like birds, but it is one of my favorite parts of the day to see him so carefully taking care of the little creatures.
I hope to post while I am traveling, but I am not sure what sort of resources I will encounter. In the meantime, feel free to ponder and reflect on this sign we found in Suzhou:

"Today, was one of those days where I have that certain ache, where I'm full to the brim with love and anxiousness for my students-- where I try so hard to catch each particular pain, eagerness, fear, hope or grasping for connection, so I can flash recognition into their eyes. " My friend and fellow teacher,Jen Sullivan, wrote this on her "pieceofmyself" blog (hope you don't mind if I borrow it, Jen). I read it a couple of weeks ago and feel like I couldn't begin to express the way I feel about my students right now any better.

I had individual oral exams with each of my students this week. They are so wrapped in curiosity and earnestness--I would do anything to draw out any discouragement or unnecessary pain they have and fill the void with love and encouragement. I don't know what makes me think I have anything better to give them, but I want to (though I'd like to wring a couple of their necks first.........).

The rest of my family left today . Well, theoretically. We actually (keeping with the theme of the past three weeks) had a bus station mishap and missed the right airport bus---meaning they left one hour later during rush hour. The bus driver acted like it would be an act of the Buddha to get them there before their flight left, much less the suggested two hours before. Otherwise, they may be back. In fact, I selfishly wish they would miss their flight. I have surprised myself once again in being very sad by their departure. It isn't that I don't love them, just I just imagined I was an independent adult that needed her own space. My wee bit of an apartment has gone from 5 people to one person and a sleeping cat so briskly. I feel lonely. They say that is supposed to be good for you, feeling lonely......it just seems like I am coping with leaving home all over again. I know I will adapt eventually...I have so far.
Thanks for listening.
ps my students are fascinated with Christmas cards. If you still have the old ones people sent you this year or in other years, if you could send them to me, my students would love it. Thanks!
Cammie Brennan/building 11 apt. 102/Hangzhou Teachers College/no. 222 Wenyi Road/Hangzhou, Zhejiang/China 310012
cheers!

*sigh* I have been told I need to up date. Demanding audience............ so, here is my cuteface Xiao Mao. She loves Christmas too, especially while I am wrapping presents!

the neys have it, I am not a yogi

I am back home. Home. So strange to call this place home. While I was gone, I missed it terribly. Of course it was brilliant to be away, but coming home was good (minus the dishes that I found molded in the kitchen sink...). I remember that was the first time I loved Jewell after hating it for over a semester. I went to a get together of some of my high school friends, and I counted the minutes until I could go back to Jewell.
Soon I have a yoga lesson. I have been going with Zheng Si Si lately. Which reminds me, I never told the story of my first class. We were late coming in. The class participants all stopped in their various contorted positions to stare at the foreigner (not to mention I was by far the youngest). As we slipped mats into the back row, I quickly realized I was at a disadvantage. Being in the back, I couldn't see the instructor and of course couldn't understand her. Soon, her assistant noticed the floundering foreigner in the back row and came back to put my body in the positions. The problem lay in the fact that, while I knew what positions my body should be in, I hadn't stretched for ages and all of my muscles protested loudly at the thought. The assistant, however, thought I just had no clue what I was supposed to do, so she took it upon herself to force my limbs into their proper place. For example "bring your knee to your nose" (while laying on our back) Well, my knee wasn't coming anywhere close to my nose so the assistant started sitting on the back of my thigh to force it down closer to my face. Unfortunately, I don't know the Chinese vocabulary for "get off of me". "Put your palms flat on the ground" instructed the teacher, once again, my finger tips touched, but my palms refused to lay flat........so the assistant tried helping me with that one too. All the while, the rest of the class is turning around fascinated at the complications going on with the foreigner in the back row. Furthermore, Niuniu (who came to watch the class) had given me a piece of candy on our way to the class. Without thinking I just put it in my bag. During class, she realized she actually wanted to eat the candy and remembered me putting it in my bag so she started rooting through the contents of my bag to find it. While I am concentrating on not punching the assistant in the face....I hear a rustling noise coming across the floor. I look up to see Niuniu, walking toward me while concentrating on getting my tampon open. She comes over, asking me to open it so she can eat it. (Tampons are not available in China, most Chinese don't know what one looks like). Horrified, I told her, no! it is not food, you can't eat it! My Chinese friend who had come along to help translate for me, said "can she look at it, even though it isn't food?" I tried to explain to my friend what it was, but unfortunately I don't have the Chinese vocabulary to talk about menstrual periods and she doesn't have the English vocabulary. So, finally, after some curious pantomiming (that was definitely not part of the yoga routine and was driving my assistant out of her mind) I got the message across. The look of horror that crossed my friend's face threw me into a fit of giggles which echoed around the quiet room with it's relaxing music. I have a habit of having laughing fits in completely inappropriate places at inappropriate times. I couldn't get a grip. So I laid down on my mat (my assistant finally threw up her hands and left me) until I could look Xiao Yun (my friend) in the face without losing it again.
Hopefully, this class, is more relaxing than last.

japan pics

Here are some pics from Japan, my sweet J-niece, Aoi-Chan, and my J-niece/nephew to be, Oka-san and Yoppie and I at the shrine festival with our lucky rakes (yes, I said lucky rakes) and one of some of the J-sisters together.

After　considerable delays, I finally made it to civilization. I went to Shanghai on Friday with Seth and the Hewitts. It was great, but really a shock to be in such a modern city. The trip was mostly a culinary tour. We ate Mexican, pizza, diner food and lots of coffee. While we weren`t eating, we visited the Shanghai People`s museum. On Saturday night, Seth took me to the Bund and we went to the top of the 4th tallest building in the world to have drinks. It was incredible to sit so high up, looking down on a city of 16 million. (see pictures of Shanghai from the bar and from across the river) Sunday I flew out to Osaka then Tokyo. Coming here has been like coming home....my room, my chopsticks, my sisters, everything is familiar! Everything is clean! And I can`t get over how accessible coffee is!!　　Lately, we have spent a lot of time with Eriko and Aoi-chan. I can`t believe it, she is going to have another baby! She is so brave! We also went to this amazing shrine festive in Shinjuku last night. The shrine`s grounds were packed with people buying lucky rakes to bring them fortune for the upcoming year.
Unfortunately, I heard two days ago that Anne Caldwell`s best friend died in a car accident. I never met Kristy, but I know how important she was to Anne, and I can`t imagine losing someone like Sarah or Susan...I would be devastating, I can`t imagine. I hurt for Anne and wish I could do something. It makes me never want to go far from the people I love again.

Happy Thanksgiving!

communists, I tell ya what.........

A spiritual/theological paradigm (para-dig-mm) shift occurred in college, wreaking my life permanently....I am afraid I am about to have a post-college social-philosophical paradigm shift. Yesterday, in my newspaper class, we were talking about poverty--particularly poverty in urban areas--I was encouraging my students to get angry about the mistreatment of migrant workers in the cities. They looked at me blankly. "There isn't anything we can do." They proclaimed. "Yes, yes of course there is!" I said. We argued and discussed for 40 minutes. I felt like the naive child encouraging the hardened solider to pursue utopian ideals.

After class, I talked to two students for a bit. "How can we help? What can we do about poverty?" They asked. I encouraged them to take action in small ways....writing to their government, educating their friends and family about the problem, and long for social volunteer programs that provide services. They looked back at me disappointed. "It doesn't matter if we do those things....it won't make a difference.....we can't do anything by ourselves...."

I was speaking with Jim on the way back home. And I realized the difference lays in that from birth Americans are told they can accomplish anything.........one person does matter....one person can make a difference.......but here, communism says that the group is the only thing that can make a difference.......the individual is just part of the group.....alone, nothing can be accomplished. So here we are, I think I am right, they know they are right. It is strange, for the first time, I realized it could be a lie--I don't know why I never thought about it before. Maybe one person can't really make a difference without the strength of the group. Just like theological constructions crumbling, my ideas of purpose in life.....my reasons for believing that I can do something, anything to ease the pain in life shattered.

In the midst, I felt the disappoint of not being able to fit into this society in a way that brings relief, brings love, brings meaning, brings true community. Foreigners are so limited in their ability to volunteer here....and even if I could, my language is so limited, I wouldn't be able to communicate on a level that matters. I am afraid I never will be able to.

In response to a request for more pictures......I always forget to take pictures of things, but here is one of my two babies, Niuniu and Xiao Mao and another one of my dearest friends here, Zheng Si Si, Su Jian and Wu Fang......I need Corrine or Susan here, my favorite obsessive-compulsive photographers. Life is good right now......better than last week anyway. I am getting very very excited about Japan on Sunday! Ahhh, civilization....family......cheese........

......

I want to update, but I have absolutely nothing interesting to say.......any suggestions? questions? comments? By the by, I can see my blog now (for no obvious reason in particular, so feel free to post)

Halloween............

Well, the Halloween party of the century is over. About two hours before the party, I remembered that I have social anxiety, and I absolutely hate people coming over in mass expecting a good time. So, naturally, I freaked out and burned the apple crisp and just prayed for the night to be over. I think the other American teachers saw a new side of Cammie as she flipped out. In the end, after bobbing for apples, pin the little pumpkin on the big pumpkin and a game of who-can-dress-your-partner-like-a-mummy-using-toilet-paper-the-fastest, the night turned out to be a success. I am glad I had the chance to give a tiny something back to the Chinese who have helped me so incredibly the past few months. Here are some pictures.....Zheng Si Si (she was a rooster) bobbing for apples, the mummies altogether and my cat as a mummy (Wu Fang and I think we won, we were definitely the fastest mummy wrappers), a cute little mummy and my friends Zhang Dan and Yvette as cats. In other news, Ann came to Hangzhou for a day. She brought me a suitcase full of wonderful American treats (thanks to all contributors). Also, there was a small flood in my kitchen tonight as the pipe underneath the sink became unconnected. On the downside, I went wading for about an hour, on the upside, my kitchen floor has never been this clean!

By the by, thanks to dear ol' daylight savin's, for those of you in Central Standard time, we are now 14 hours apart.......just add two hours and switch the am/pm part and you've got it right............but you can call anytime!

teaching

There is such an interesting dichotomy here. This country is in the 21st century in relation to fashion, language, media, and commercialism. It would be easy to walk around Hangzhou and forget that China is still a third-world developing country. On the other hand, in terms of living conditions, hygiene, medical standards, and social responsibility, China is still far far behind. I look at my students in class and it would I would never guess that they live 8 to a dorm room the size of my office in buildings that have no running water or heat. They take showers outside with no hot water (what will they do in the winter, I don't know) and they collect their drinking water at night from the cafeteria. I realize these living conditions are not abnormal for third-world developing countries.......it is just bizarre to see the gap between the facade of people and cities (clothes, hair, modern stores and restaurants) and the inside of homes, cafes, and people (i.e. seems that everyone has cavities in every tooth and parasites).

I could shake my newspaper reading kids. They told me point blank yesterday, while we were talking about race relations and oppression of minority groups in America and China, that they couldn't care less about the topics. I asked them what they would like to study and they all said pop stars. The maturity level is at junior high with my juniors. They see absolutely no reason why they should care about anything besides pop culture. Individual responsibility for bettering some aspect of this world is non-existent. I want to somehow unlock that for them, help them to see what we talk about does matter. It is important to learn so mistakes aren't repeated and so one person can do what they are able to make a difference. I am particularly surprised at their inability to think outside themselves and pop stars because this is a communist country--one would think they would be more community focused. Seth keeps reminding me that my job is to teach English, not to save the world and convert my students into world-conscious people----but I feel like that is what my professors did for me. Seth says I have an exalted view of my professors and that if I didn't have the interest to begin with, it is not something my professors could have taught me. He tends to be right about most things, but I still don't agree with him. I feel responsible. A teacher's job is not only to teach the subject matter, but also to teach about being a responsible global citizen.......and Chinese teachers aren't doing it for these kids.....

pictures as of late

xiao mao

Right. I took Xiao Mao to the vet. I was planning on leaving her and coming back when the surgery was over, but they told me to sit and wait in the completely vacant examining/waiting room. Before they took her back, I asked if she was a girl or a boy. One vet said girl another said boy....I should have known then that this whole Chinese vet thing was a bad idea. They took her to the back room and a few minutes later I heard her screaming bloody murder. I jumped up and ran to the back room--they must be de-clawing her awake! By the time I got back there, her scream intensified. I am a horrible pet owner, I told myself. When I finally pushed through the crowd of assistants and vets surrounding Xiao Mao, I realized they were only clipping her claws and she was being a complete baby.....ahhhhh....though, quite glad they weren't de-clawing her awake, I still wanted to make sure they were, at some point planning on de-clawing her. When the difference between clipping claws and taking claws out was finally established, the group of Chinese vets gasped in horror at the inhuman thought of removing a cats' claws (no smart remarks Patrick)...."We don't do that in China" I was told (well, call George W. up, the Chinese have trouble with human rights, but they sure have animal rights down).
Next was her shots. I can't imagine how a parent ever lives through taking his or her child for shots. Xiao Mao had three injections in her extra-neck-skin-spot. Each time she let out the most human-like scream I have ever heard from an animal.....it was if she was getting a spinal tap. I mean, my cat at home cries when she goes to the vet, but it is just because she is scared, she barely notices the shots at all. So, this torture thing was new to me. Apparently I was overdue for an emotional break-down because I started sobbing in the examining/waiting room while all the Chinese vets watched fascinated at the crazy foreigner and her screaming cat. I eventually pulled myself and my cat together and left. I am sure I left them with the impression that all Americans have an unhealthy dependency the comfort of their pet. Unfortunately, she has follow-up shots in two weeks!!!

talons, weddings, and canes

Apparently, the rain in China falls mainly on Hangzhou. Actually, I love the rain, so no worries. It gives my world a cozy autumn feel. Unfortunately though, it also makes me tai lazy! School starts up tomorrow. Though we had the week off, we have to make up the classes this weekend. Weird beard, that is a Chinese holiday for you. I've decided to Xiao Mao to the vet (maybe today if the rain lets up). She/he needs his/her shots and, furthermore, she is causing complete disasters on my blue fake-leather couch. Personally, I could care less, but I am fairly sure there is something in my contract about not destroying my furniture. So, I am afraid she will by talon-less soon. I hate to do that to her/him, especially in China. I mean I would never submit my child to surgery in China......who knows if they will even put her/him to sleep.........but, fortunately, Xiao Mao is my cat, not my child.....so......farewell talons............... Seth made the call to the vet for me. It was a rather hilarious event ("claw" isn't exactly something you learn in basic Chinese) he paced my living room saying "zhao" over and over in different tones, the whole time making claws with his hands as if the woman on the phone could see.....I think he finally got the message across. I suppose we will see.
There are some other teachers visiting us for the week from a little town (by little town I mean only 1.5 million) about 3 hours from Hangzhou. They have been rather blown away by the convenience of Hangzhou. Watching their awe has helped to remind me how really lucky I am to live in this city, though I complain like a broken record, it really is a great place to live......there is an ancient Chinese poem..."Above there is heaven, below there is Hangzhou and Suzhou..." so I'm pretty lucky. Yesterday, Mary (one of the the teacher's that works here daughter) and I took one of the Winling teacher's for lamb kebabs and Muslim onion flatbread. On the way home, a bent old woman with a cane blocked our path, begging for money. We made to go passed her and she straightened up and began running after us with her cane raised trying to intercept our path. We laughed about that one for awhile...we'd never seen such a miracle.
Happy birthday week to ANDY Wommack (22) and happy wedding week to KRISTIN Stonebraker and BRIAN Gillenwater....I wish I could be a present bridesmaid rather than absentee

happy national day-week

The days I love this city sneak up on me. Autumn has decided to bless our little town of 6 million. I saw my first changing leaves today. A typhoon is sweeping the coast, giving the air a damp delicious chill (I am actually wearing jeans and long sleeves!!). I went on absolutely divine walk in the rain and treated myself to a lunch of my favorite street-food (um, I am addicted) barrel-roasted sweet potatoes, Muslim flat-bread with onions and sweet milk tea. Walking down the street, I could smell chestnuts roasting and sugar crystallizing, I could almost imagine I was home. No, curled up on the couch with two dear friends (coffee and The O.C.) I am truly enjoying my holiday!

changes

I am not going to Japan. I got was on my way there but I had some complicated transportation issues (sus and sarah, think haggis tour slip-up or Matt, think London-Amsterdam bus miscalculation...) and never ended up getting out of the country. I read a book a few weeks ago about a Hispanic adult living in the US. An observation was made that moving to a different country causes one to become a child again. I am beginning to think it is true. I can't read or write here. I understand little, and can't really do anything sucessful without help. For the most part, it is very necessary for a Chinese person to be holding my hand.
Luckily, this country is full of willing helpers. For the most part Chinese are eager to help foreigners in any way they can. Though I am disappointed about my silliness, I have determined to spend my week studing Chinese so I might be a little less childlike in the future and also to do some art projects, something that has been sorely missing in my life since I moved here.