communists, I tell ya what.........

A spiritual/theological paradigm (para-dig-mm) shift occurred in college, wreaking my life permanently....I am afraid I am about to have a post-college social-philosophical paradigm shift. Yesterday, in my newspaper class, we were talking about poverty--particularly poverty in urban areas--I was encouraging my students to get angry about the mistreatment of migrant workers in the cities. They looked at me blankly. "There isn't anything we can do." They proclaimed. "Yes, yes of course there is!" I said. We argued and discussed for 40 minutes. I felt like the naive child encouraging the hardened solider to pursue utopian ideals.

After class, I talked to two students for a bit. "How can we help? What can we do about poverty?" They asked. I encouraged them to take action in small ways....writing to their government, educating their friends and family about the problem, and long for social volunteer programs that provide services. They looked back at me disappointed. "It doesn't matter if we do those things....it won't make a difference.....we can't do anything by ourselves...."

I was speaking with Jim on the way back home. And I realized the difference lays in that from birth Americans are told they can accomplish anything.........one person does matter....one person can make a difference.......but here, communism says that the group is the only thing that can make a difference.......the individual is just part of the group.....alone, nothing can be accomplished. So here we are, I think I am right, they know they are right. It is strange, for the first time, I realized it could be a lie--I don't know why I never thought about it before. Maybe one person can't really make a difference without the strength of the group. Just like theological constructions crumbling, my ideas of purpose in life.....my reasons for believing that I can do something, anything to ease the pain in life shattered.

In the midst, I felt the disappoint of not being able to fit into this society in a way that brings relief, brings love, brings meaning, brings true community. Foreigners are so limited in their ability to volunteer here....and even if I could, my language is so limited, I wouldn't be able to communicate on a level that matters. I am afraid I never will be able to.