lessons in loving.......my body

The past days, I have been visiting Kyoto. A city in Japan famous for its beauty. I visited more Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines that a person should have to shake a stick at, eat a fair amount of raw fish, and did some traditional Japanese art. It was wonderful. While I was there, I was troubled though. Because I am often worried about my physical appearance, in terms of weight, it is difficult for me to be in a culture (such as Japan or China) that is very frank about physical appearance. It is normal for comments on weight to be thrown about like you would throw about comments on height. `oh, you are tall. Oh, you are fat.` It isn`t meant to be hurtful, its just the truth. Anyway, I thought I had prepared myself for this. I hadn`t. Since I arrived, old friends have been commenting on my weight (in a negative way). I had been trying to put it aside. Reminding myself that Asian body types are different that Western and all that is really important is eating healthy, exercising and feeling good about yourself. Well, this rope of salvation finally snapped on the way to Kyoto. We were staying at a traditional Japanese inn and Oka-san reminded me that the bath was public in the inn. Everyone goes in the same room, gets naked, showers and then soaks in the hot bath. I had a minor/major flip out. I don`t even like to change my clothes when people are in the same room but not looking. This task seemed impossible. I decided to just wait and shower in a few days when I came back. Oka-san and Makiko understood me to be just being silly. A choice of taking a bath or not was not really being offered (I, by the way, now understand how Fiona feels when I make her take a bath even when she is throwing a fit about it). All this to say, I finally realized how much I was letting this upset me and how actually ridiculous it was......it`s just and effing body!! So, I took a deep breath and did it. And....it was ok. The was some hilarious pandemonium (chaos when no one is wearing clothes, is slightly more funny than regular chaos) that helped me to just chill out. I`m glad I don`t really ever have to do it again. But, it didn`t kill me .
It is strange for me though, the magic that Japan once held for me is gone. I don`t know if it because I am older, because of my serious mood of moving, or what. Bizarro. Just the same, it was fun. The Kimuras are giving me good practice for my job as an English teacher. It some times makes me nervous though...I don`t always know the answers. I am leaving tomorrow morning for China, and the next day Tibet. I don`t know when I`ll get a chance to write again.